Grief and Red Roses

We had a family friend who owned a flower shop, and because the winter was typically a slower time of year for work for my dad, he would volunteer to deliver flowers for her shop. (Secretly, I think it was also because she gave him a flower arrangement as a thank you and he always gave it to my mom, but I digress). My dad loved delivering flowers, seeing the face of the recipient as they glowed with delight over the thoughtful gift. When my dad died in 2011, it was just a few weeks before my mom’s birthday. In his absence, I gave her roses, hoping the simple act of love would ease her grief, just for a moment.

There are so many sayings with love and grief in the same sentence. Of them “grief is just love with no place to go”, is probably the most common. I’ll be honest, I don’t love these. I think they try to simplify very complex emotions. Grief and love are inseparable twins – we love so we grieve, we grieve because we loved. When we love someone unconditionally, we are saying “My love will continue no matter what”. And in death, grief adds: “I will remember you no matter what”.

With Valentine’s Day around the corner, it can be another reminder of what we have lost. I also don’t love Valentine’s Day, even if Hallmark does. (I wonder if Hallmark would grieve if Valentine’s Day died…..or would they come up with something else?) Valentine’s Day doesn’t HAVE to be about romance – it can be about connection, memory, or self-compassion. Let this red heart holiday reflect on the love between you and your person in a quieter, deeper, more meaningful way. Treat yourself to some red roses– it’s okay, I promise.