Why the New Year Can Be So Hard When You’re Grieving

My dad died in July 2011, so when December 31^st, 2011 rolled around, I was not overwhelmed with joy moving into 2012. On paper, I had so much to look forward to. I was expecting my first baby and my husband and I had quietly married in a courthouse ceremony with close friends present. But my dad wouldn’t be there to meet his first grandchild or walk me down the aisle in our November 2012 wedding celebration. I remember sitting on the couch in tears, feeling the new life I was growing, and wishing I was back in December 2010. The last full year would be alive and the last year I wouldn’t understand grief.

There is a cultural emphasis on renewal and optimism. How many times have you heard, “Do you have any New Year’s resolutions?” My only resolution going into 2012 was that my heart wasn’t going to hurt more than it already did (Spoiler alert: It did). Starting a new year should feel like a fresh start, but when you’re grieving, you don’t want a fresh start. And that’s also not what happens when you open a new calendar on January 1^st. The grief is still there. Your person is still gone. Your heart is still broken.

While others are moving forward, you feel left behind. You’re people around you carry on with their lives. I wasn’t with my dad when he took his last breath, but I did go see him after he died. I remember standing at his bedside, he was finally at peace after so much suffering. As the days of January 2012 went by, I felt as if I was still on July 14, 2011.

The pain of entering a new year, a year in which your loved one will never live, is a very strange reality. I believe that after our loved ones die, they are still with us. I believe they show us signs to let us know they are present. My first sign came near the end of January 2012 when I found out my baby was a boy. His due date was the same week my dad was given his terminal diagnosis. These signs gave me hope that maybe I could move forward even if my dad wasn’t physically present.

In this new year of 2026, if you are grieving, give yourself grace. It is okay to hold grief in one hand and hope in the other. In fact, you NEED to. Hope will guide you forward. Grief will keep you grounded.